Blended families or stepfamilies are formed when you and your partner have children from one or both of your prior relationships. Combining two families can be rewarding and challenging. Your kids or your new spouse’s kids may not be as excited about remarriage and a new family as you are. The upcoming changes may make them uncertain and affect their relationships with their natural parents. Worse, they may not even like their new stepsiblings, those they don’t know well.
Your new family may not function as your previous one, and you may become frustrated when your children resist changes. This list of tips can help your new family work through growing pains or get more information on Therapy Hunter. You can form an affectionate and successful blended family with your new stepchildren no matter how difficult things initially seem.
Blending Families: Tips for Success
A perfect blended family follows five principles. As a wife and stepmother, these have been key to creating ease and a safe space in the family.
1. Have respect for EVERY parent and child
Every experience has a different perspective and emotion. To build positive relationships, you need to respect those differences. Parents must understand how their children observe how their parents and stepparents interact. Despite disagreements, how you model for your children speaks volumes.
Your true family isn’t blood-related but based on respect and joy in each other’s lives.
2. Empathy for all family members
It’s hard for stepparents to parent children they don’t know well. During this time of transition, children are dealing with big feelings about their parents, stepparents, and siblings.
A stepparent may feel threatened by raising or influencing their children. Sometimes it’s hard to understand. Children and adults find dealing with strong feelings and conflicts challenging. It’s imperative to show empathy for different perspectives because we can’t fully understand the perspective of another. Wait. Be patient. Consider others’ perspectives.
In any family, empathy and understanding of one another are essential. His listening ear and patience must be vital to your adjustment to parenting. Since you both may come from traditional families, you must understand children’s feelings and viewpoints.
3. Clarify roles
It’s easier to avoid frustrations up front when parents are clear about their roles. Conflict decreases when parents and stepparents understand their roles in discipline and daily responsibilities. As children spend time with each parent, they experience different rules and lifestyles. Your way is your way, but it isn’t the only way.
Stepparents are often asked how they should discipline their children. Within my blended family, I have established a boundary whereby my husband leads decisions and discipline. The mother of my husband’s children is responsible for major decisions regarding the children. I usually support my husband, create a unified front, and build a relationship with our children are my roles. We have agreed to never contradict each other in front of the children. I have input into how we handle situations in our household.
4. Families with strong marriages thrive
First, you’re married. Communicate openly, address problems promptly, and support each other. It can help to have a discussion board to vent to sometimes. Children watch everything we do. We are showing them how they deserve to be treated by partners when they grow up. It builds a safe environment for children to develop and grow without getting caught up in the issues of their parents.
Adapting to parenting roles has been made more accessible by my husband. Connecting and supporting each other creates a solid foundation for ourselves and our children.
5. Be compassionate and patient with yourself
Role-setting takes time. Everyone adjusts. Defaulting to the other parent or appearing too strong does not build trust. Keep that in mind as you build relationships, learn new skills, and things evolve. Things take time. Be curious, observe, and ask questions.
Be sure to take time for exercise and self-care as a couple and as a stepparent. You will be happier. Our blended family exercises regularly for a variety of reasons. Don’t neglect yourself while parenting.