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Therapy is no longer an unknown concept and unspoken topic in families. The only question that remains is how a family should know if it needs a therapist. Here are 10 signs that can mean your family needs a therapist.
TOO MANY FIGHTS OVER PETTY MATTERS
Supposing someone forgot to keep the toilet seat down or didn’t do things as is usually done, a fight can begin right then and escalate. The reasons behind this could be pent up anger from unresolved feelings. Because what earlier used to be no big deal has suddenly turned out to be one. There may be more important matters on hand but a lot of energy is being wasted on the opposite. Hence, leaving no time for talking and sorting out the issues. Family counsellors help to figure out the real reason behind one’s anger and thus, stop from projecting it in the wrong ways.
LESS OR ZERO COMMUNICATION
The foundation of every relationship is communication. It is without it that relationships cease to exist and lose meaning in the process. If too many people are walking out of a conversation instead of hearing out one another, it leaves no room for communication. This is a sign that a family needs to go for therapy because learning to communicate is very important for relationships to sustain. Communication is a two-way street; it can never be one-sided. Family counsellors make sure both parties involved get the chance to speak their minds which they perhaps, earlier could not.
CHILDREN FEELING ISOLATED
The concept of joint families may be dying out but that doesn’t mean the influence or power of relatives is not there. It very much exists which is why couples may get into unnecessary squabbles. This, in turn, may effect children badly. In future, theycan face worse consequences due to such trauma developed in childhood. Such kids can have a twisted understanding of love, respect, trust and emotions, in general. It’s never too late to approach a family counsellor to prevent children from suffering at the cost of their parents’ incompatibility.
GENERATIONAL GAP
The millennials versus Gen Z never-ending battle requires family counselling the most. Family counsellors act as mediatorsbecause they generally belong to somewhere in the between of both the sides. They can understand the point of views of either side and hence, help to bridge the gap. Parents and children fighting over the necessity of gadgets or unconventional career choices are some of the downsides that come with generational gap. Family counsellors offer reasonable solutions in order for both sides to reach a middle ground.
INFLEXIBILITY
Sometimes family members have to compromise at the cost of their own selves. The ones who are unable to end up becoming miserable and the cause of the suffering of the other members as well. A family counsellor can help such members see their wrong without offending them because they’re not related by blood or kin.While if it had been the other way round, that is, a family member calling out another about their problematic behaviour, they would be highly disappointed.
BLAME GAME
If every conversation turns into a fight which further turns into a game of putting the blame over one another, that is when you know your family needs a therapist. People often look past their own mistakes and forget to hold themselves accountable. They tend to pin the blame on their spouse, in-laws or some external influence. This may not be always wrong and at the same time, not right always, either. Family counsellors provide guidance as to how differentiate between the two. Being able to recognise one’s own mistakes plays a huge role in both not repeating them and correcting them. And that is exactly what a family counsellor helps one to do.
AWKWARD TENSION BETWEEN MEMBERS
At times, members feel forced to respect certain members in the family. This is usually the case with the younger and older generation. Younger people can find some custom or tradition or decision meaningless because it doesn’t align with their beliefs. But, since they cannot go against it because that would be disrespectful, they have to swallow up their feelings. As a result, they may stop showing up to family gatherings altogether or even if they do, there might be ugly arguments. This when you should seek an expert’s advice. Family counsellors help to resolve such awkward tensions between family members.
WANTING TO MOVE OUT OR SEPARATE
Obviously, moving out is a very independent thing to do but it should be at good terms with one’s family. And, not because one wants to run away from their home. It is equally important for both parents and children to be open with each other and share their feelings. If everyone wishes to leave, what would be the point of calling each other family? Last names don’t make a family, it is the first names which denote people. Family counsellors help to understand the importance of family in one’s own life. They should be the people one can turn to, in times of need and share the little joys in life with.
NO ACCEPTANCE OF INDIVIDUALITY
These days, a lot of people have a hard time coming to terms with their own sexuality and individuality, for that matter. But once they find the courage to do so, they find it harder to come out to their families due to fear of rejection. Family should be a safe haven for a person to be the most vulnerable. This is usually not the case because families prefer to be “normal”. Family counsellors can change the narrative by revising the definition of normal for families to follow. This will lead to more inclusivity in families and hence, acceptance.
TENDENCY OF LETTING THINGS BE OR GOING OFF TOPIC
Most families tend to leave matters be rather than discussing about it. Or worse, they digress from the real issues. A person might have a big news to share but it might be not big enough for others. This looking down upon what a person is bringing to the table can be very discouraging. They might never ever initiate a conversation again. Dominating personalities have a habit of shutting others up without letting them speak. While others, in hopes of maintaining peace and harmony, ask everyone else to quietly go with their decision. Family counsellors look to it that families don’t digress in conversations nor do they completely dismiss a matter.
TO SUM IT UP:
The aim of family counsellors is to restore peace and order in families and not declare them dysfunctional or broken in any way. Since most people tend to associate counselling with a family having issues, families fear going for it. When the truth of the situation is no family is perfect. Better understanding can be inculcated among members of a family only if they are willing to cooperate.
Isreal olabanji a dental assistant and public health professionals and has years of experience in assisting the dentist with all sorts of dental issues.
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